My Grandmother is 95. She’s led a full life of serving others, making memories, and loving all of us. Her body and mind are beginning to fail her, rapidly. She needs constant care and assistance and I am 1700 miles away.
Grandma’s 80th Birthday party. Grandma snuggling in 1975.
My tendency is to take charge of a situation & handle it. I am not in a position to do that with my Grammy this time. Distance is the challenge. Emotions are seemingly overwhelming but my need to reach for comfort food, finally, is not.
I am comforted in the acceptance that it hurts, that she may be gone very soon, and that she knows I lover her and she loves me. Instead of needing a grilled cheese to cope today I allowed myself to feel the grief and found comfort in a hug from my husband and some sunshine.
The results of my acceptance allow me to enjoy my desire for a healthier lifestyle and the knowledge that I am capable of feeling the emotions without the harmful choices to cope.
Today I will celebrate my small victory over “sadness not hunger” and reminisce on the many amazing memories of my Grammy and thank God for the chance to talk to this confused, precious woman.
I will strive to maintain my health and quality of life so MY grandchildren may have as many memories of a vibrant, grandma able to care for, love, and participate in their lives.